En smakebit på søndag - nr. 15

Dagens smakebit kommer ikke fra en bok, men er inspirert av en bok. Har du lyst å lese dagbøkene til våre kjære venner fra Ringenes Herre? Du finner alle her.

THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF SARUMAN THE WHITE

Day 20
Have crossed orcs with goblin men in caverns below Isengard. V. tedious experience as orcs and goblin men most reluctant to breed, even with dinner and flowers. Next time will try something easier, such as breeding goblins and cheerleaders to create super-perky army that can travel by day and will not complain about pink uniforms.

Day 22
Did not know when decided to make demon army for Sauron that would be so darn messy. Curse my decision to be Saruman the White. Should have decided to be Saruman the Muddy Brown, or Saruman the Faintly Greenish. White just shows all the slime.

Day 24
If keep watching in palantir, perhaps will see Gandalf do pointy hat trick?

Day 25
Gandalf did pointy hat trick! Ringbearer v. impressed. Aragorn obviously fancies trousers off the Ringbearer. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 25
Hairy newt is most definitely dwarf. Caught him playing hide-the-helmet with one of the hobbits. Other human seems to be Boromir of Gondor. Am I only one who has long wanted to ride to Minas Tirith and tell Steward that "Gondor" sounds just like "gonad" and they should find less silly name? Perhaps it is just me.

Day 28
Uruk-hai nearly ready to go. Watched Fellowship a bit today. Boromir convinced smallest hobbit to "Blow the Horn of Gondor." Have not laughed so hard since set Balrog up with Gandalf during Second Age and Gandalf stuck Balrog with restaurant bill. Palantir great. Better than cable.


THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF BOROMIR OF GONDOR

Day 1
Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual. He thinks he's so great because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the side. I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit.

Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.

Ooops.

Day 3
Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.

Day 4
Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...

Stupid Ring.

Day 4
Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.

Ha Ha! Ha!

Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 6
Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo." "Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras." "Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."

Blatant favoritism most annoying.


THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF GANDALF THE GREY

Day 2
Bilbo's Birthday party improved by substantial amount of hobbit weed. Everyone sho nice. Bilbo nice too. Lights sho pretty. Frodo not bad either. Hobbits sho cuddly. Whups. Fellover.

Day 3
Massive fecking hangover. Off to Minas Tirith for some aspirin.

Day 12
Went to Saruman for advice about Ring but he had become evil. Nobody tells me anything. Apparently there was a memo. Radagast the Brown probably stealing paper out of my inbox again.

Day 13
Stuck on top of tower. Great view, but constant pelting sleet not good for pointy hat. Am amusing self by spitting gum down on the Orcs.

Day 14
Visited again by Saruman who tried to grab a feel. As if!

Day 16
Am lonely. Saruman maybe not so unattractive after all. If only were not for giantly flaring nostrils and huge clawlike fingernails...okay you'd think I might have figured out he was evil before.

Day 19
Escaped. Am in Rivendell. Sam slightly out of control. Keeps giving Frodo baths. Elves all out of strawberry-scented soap now. Elrond getting annoyed.